id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
