her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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