Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
