You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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