my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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