Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
