Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
