they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
