Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
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Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
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You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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