Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
