well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize