Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
