Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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