She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
