Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
