yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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