You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
