sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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