I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
