at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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