Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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