It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
