He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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