I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
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I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
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My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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