she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
