put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So much rum. So many feels.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
