would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Alive.
So much puke
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
