After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
