I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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