Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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