"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
