Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
not ubering you a puppy
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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