i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
