I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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