swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
