Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
