I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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