i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
