People in love make me want to vomit
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
