Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
