They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
sex in a hospital.. check
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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