when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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