you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize