if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
