Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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