He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
