This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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