what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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