i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
