"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
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I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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