and she was petting her beer can
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
