He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
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Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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