i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
