when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
