My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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