I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
