why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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