Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
