Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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